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Mickey Loses Everything
I never liked Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Even when I wore a younger man's clothes. It just never peaked my interest. I found it very annoying, and way too babyish compared to some of Mickey and the gang's other outings. However, it recently came to my attention that the show was finally airing it's official series finale. The finale was intended to end both the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Roadster Racers franchises all in one go. Needless to say, I was very excited to see it. I mean yeah sure I hate both programs. but seeing them finally come to an end will be like Christmas in July. So I decided I would watch it. When it came time for the finale, I sat down on my sofa, with a bowl of fruitloops, and got ready for some cringe worthy action from everyone's least favourite mouse. The promo which normally tells us what show is going to be on next, instead said this rather chilling message. "Don't watch this appalling cartoon. Watch something else!" 'Whatever it's probably nothing' I said as I began browsing on my phone when a loud noise came erupting through the television. Mickey walked up the path to greet the viewer as he normally did, but when he got to the screen, and said "Well hey everybody, it's me Mickey Mouse!" The audio just cut, and when it came back the language was German. Mickey kept talking, and the intro continued like normal. However one thing was noticeably different, none of the other characters were present during the role call, and the clubhouse looked completely wrecked as if a train had crashed into it. The episode title then came on screen, and it read "Mickey Loses Everything." Only this time it wasn't read by Mickey Mouse himself, instead it was read by a woman who sounded like Natasha from the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons. It started with Mickey sneaking around the clubhouse. He turned to the viewer, and said thankfully no longer in German, "oh hey everybody didn't see you there!" Only his voice sounded nothing at all like Mickey no it sounded like a man who had been smoking for 240 years. "I'm playing hide and seek with Donald again..." Mickey continued, "and I think I can hear him hiding in the bedroom. Come on let's take a look." Mickey said as he crept his way over to the bedroom which they had in the clubhouse for some odd reason. Mickey opened the door only to find, and I'm not even joking here, Minnie sucking Mortimer's ding dong. I nearly gagged as Mortimer looked like my sister's boss. "What the hell is going on here!?" Mickey yelled but this time it was in his normal voice. Minnie and Mortimer immediately stopped what they were doing before and looked back were Mickey was. "Mickey I'm sorry but I think we should get a divorce. I mean all you do is playing with Toodles in the clubhouse, or asking your friends for help." Minnie said. Mickey who was on the verge of tears asked "But why is that enough for you to divorce me?". "Mickey first of all, you don't have any friends, second, there's no people watching us who can help you with your problems, and thridly, why not try and solve your own problems for a change?" Minnie asked while Mickey put his face over his hands and started crying. But this wasn't your normal cartoon crying. It sounded as if Bret Iwan (Mickey's voice actor) was really crying. This was out of character for Mickey because he never cried in this show. I started losing it, I mean seriously, Mickey deserves to be kicked out for being such an insufferable douche, but even I thought this was a bit too much. Whatever, the episode then showed a live action clip of a woman crying, while kicking her pet dog. 'Animal abuse much?' I asked myself. This lasted for a few seconds until the woman stopped crying and also stopped kicking her pet dog which had already ran away. She then walked up at the screen and showed her face. Her face had tons of scars like Regan from the Exorcist and her nose was bleeding. She then started speaking. Her voice sounded like Colleen from Road Rovers. She said the following: "So, do you now see what I've done to my dog? Yes that's exactly what I did!" The episode came back to show Mickey in a courtroom with Goofy serving as his lawyer. Pete, who was serving as the judge yelled, "Mickey Mouse for being such an insufferable asshole, I'm giving everything you own, including your clubhouse, and other assets to your wife and her partner. Also, I'm putting you in the electric chair because that's how much this court hates you. It's a cruel world but it's our world." he said as he threw his hammer down signalling that the case was closed. The episode then showed Mickey getting into the electric chair with Principal Mazur from A Goofy Movie serving as his executioner. Mazur looked at me with big red eyes, and said "don't let your wife cheat on you, or you'll end up in the electric chair! Any final words?" Mickey only replied with "I hate what Minnie has done to my entire life. Really, I hate it." The executinor pulled the lever, and Mickey died instantly from the electruction, and the episode ended with the credits which had all the characters dancing around Mickey's burnt corpse. I have to say I really enjoyed this episode, I mean while depressing, and kind of harsh for Minnie to cheat on Mickey, and then arrange his death, it was still awesome. Suddenly, another loud noise took me out of my thoughts, as the credits ended, and changed to a post credit scene showing Satan smoking a cigar. He looked at the screen, and said in a British accent, "this episode was pretty rad. But if you laugh you go to Hell before ya die!" "WHAT!?" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I needed some answers I tried to call Disney, but got no answer. I tried calling 9-1-1 but again no answer. I think I'm seeing something outside my window. It's Mickey Mouse, and he does not look happy. He looks down right pissed off. He has Satan and Principal Mazer with him. This might sound crazy, but I am going to go outside to speak to them. Ask if they want a cup of tea and stuff like that. Also, Mickey looks like he wants to show me something, Satan has a basket ball, and Mazur has an electric chair. If this story ends here then assume the worst, but if not then I'll tell you how it went. Category:Bruno Tattagllia